Pushing Through Not an Option

By Eddie Capparucci, Ph.D., LPC, CSAS

Growing up, it was not uncommon for boys to be told, “you just need to push through” to deal with challenges. This mindset was often handed down as the solution to adversity, yet it rarely came with tools to manage the emotional discomfort that accompanied life's difficulties. The result? Many internalized the directive but remained unequipped to deal with emotional distress, which in part leads to addictive behaviors.

Pushing through can be especially harmful in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, where emotional awareness and proactive self-care are cornerstones of recovery.

When "Pushing Through" Leads to Collapse

Let’s look at Richard’s story:

Richard is in recovery and his plan includes weekly counseling, attending two meetings per week, checking in daily, and staying in regular contact with his sponsor. Outside of recovery, Richard is the head of his company’s finance department, which is in the middle of annual budget season. Software issues have caused significant accounting mistakes, and the leadership team is demanding solutions.

Feeling the pressure, Richard begins to sacrifice his recovery work. Over the next weeks, he misses counseling sessions, skips meetings, and neglects calls with his sponsor. Instead, he pours all his energy into fixing work issues.

The pressure does not ease as mistakes continue and Richard’s stress mounts. Two weeks later, with his wife out of town, Richard engages in a pornography and masturbation binge. Exhausted and overwhelmed, he justifies the lapse by telling himself he “deserves this” after all the stress he had endured.

This scenario is one of the major reasons for falling. Pushing through life’s pressures without addressing their potential emotional toll is a recipe for relapse—even to those who have been sober for years.

An Alternative to “Pushing Through”

Now, consider Biz’s story:

Biz has been free from pornography and masturbation for three years. He and his wife, Michelle, have rebuilt their relationship, and life has felt steady and comforting. But in the past several months, Michelle was diagnosed with breast cancer, and their youngest son was diagnosed with autism. Biz has been missing work to attend medical appointments, and his supervisors are not happy.

The combined stress of his wife’s illness, his son’s needs, and work-related pressures has made it difficult for Biz to sleep. Despite this, he maintains key elements of his recovery: he continues attending meetings and regularly connects with his accountability partners. These habits provide him with the support and emotional grounding to navigate his emotional challenges without relapsing.

The difference between Richard and Biz? Biz is not pushing through—instead he is actively managing his recovery while addressing life’s difficulties. This is true recovery in action.

Action Steps to Avoid Relapse

When life becomes overwhelming — and it will — pushing through is not the answer. Here are three strategies to help you stay grounded and protect your recovery.

1. Slow Everything Down
   Most of you who are familiar with my work know this in my number one rule in recovery. Staying grounded thrives on mindfulness. When life feels chaotic, take a step back and slow everything down. Pause to assess your actions (or inactions) and make deliberate choices rather than reacting impulsively. Again, this is the heart of recovery.

2. Identify Triggers and Energy Drains
   Stressors that drain you mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually can leave you vulnerable and increase your risk of relapse. Perform an internal assessment several times daily to recognize when you are feeling depleted, and take steps to recharge. Remember, when you are drained, bad things happen.

3. Focus on Gratitude
   Even in difficult times, there are positives to acknowledge. Reflect daily on the blessings in your life—however small. Gratitude can shift your perspective and remind you that life is not all bad, even when it feels overwhelming. I cannot emphasize this point enough.

Ask Yourself

When life throws challenges your way, pause and reflect:

“How am I handling this? Am I staying smart by facing my emotional distress and prioritizing my recovery, or am I just trying to push through?”

If your answer is the latter, it is time to recalibrate. Recovery is not about muscling through emotional pain, instead it is about addressing challenges with awareness, support, and intention. Ignoring this truth significantly increases the risk of relapse.

By staying mindful, identifying stressors, and focusing on gratitude, you can navigate life’s pressures without compromising your recovery.